My heart is filled with anger. My actions fueled by hate. My eyes are tinged with pain.
Why am I cursed? Why am I afflicted with this possibly deadly illness? What did I do to deserve this life of constant struggle and grief?
Those are just the cards I was dealt. You can’t ask for a reshuffle. There is no flop, there is no river, there is only show or fold.
I can choose to live my life angry at the world, angry at those with a “normal” life, angry at my brain for having a fucked up chemical composition.
Or I can choose to let it fire my actions. I can choose to heat the passions of my desires. I can choose to love the hell in which my life resides.
Every day I make that choice. It is a difficult decision. But today I choose to let if fuel me. Today I laugh at hell and live in the bask of the heat and torment.