For myself only

It’s amazing how self serving this country has become. Everyone is obsessed with what things can do for them. How can it improve them in the eyes of the “community”. Everyone, basically, is selfish. I know I am not making friends with all these posts and fuck you if you are offended. No one can understand where I am coming […]

Hopes

You know you can hope for something so much that you think it can become real. You can picture it in your mind. You can feel the way it would impact your life. You can really believe it will happen. But then it doesn’t. And you come back to earth. And you realize you are the same person you were […]

books about selling your art

I have read a lot of books on art sales these past couple of weeks. Obviously, I want to sell my art and I don’t see anything wrong with that. But what I have not taken into account, at the stupidity of myself, is that the authors themselves, are not successful artists. They have taken a mass of artists striving […]

they can’t know

People who support you when you have a mental illness do their best. They try to support you as much as they can. But at the end of the day they don’t know what it’s like. To be disabled and not a member of society. To be at home all the time because you can’t interact with people. To feel […]

going under

The darkness returns. It is heavy and thick. It is not retreating. It casts its shadow without a sun to break through. Always there, but now it grasps at my soul. It is back again and is hungry. It wants to feed on my mind. Its jaws clamp down, my brain runs with sadness. Thoughts of pain and loss bleed […]

got life?

We all have it. It is what we do with it that matters. I have lost half of mine to pain, confusion, darkness, death, psychotic breaks. I should be mad. I should feel sorry for myself. There was a point in which I thought I could not go on – nor wanted to. I should grieve the life I could […]

art and therapy

For me, art is more than an escape. It is therapy. It is medication. It is a trusted advisor. There are tons of art therapists and businesses based around this concept. It is not a new one. It is just better if you find your own way to do it. I’m sure painting in a group full of non-artists can […]

struggle

What does it mean to struggle. To actually have to fight for your existence. I am not talking just about art here. I am talking about real struggle. Survival. I read about half a book supposedly about art and keeping true to yourself as an artist. It occurred to me about a third of the way through the book that […]

silence

There is nothing but silence. The music plays. The card whirs. There is nothing. Only the creation matters. The images is all that exists. The art is what brings peace. The outpour of emotion. The emptying of an empty soul. The bleeding onto the screen, onto the white abyss of the freedom of a new document. Many artists say there […]

i laugh

The stigma attached to mental illness is strong. People think mental illness makes people stupid or weak. It does the opposite. It makes someone much stronger willed and smarter than people who live with a constant sense of normalcy. How could it not. To stare into the inky blackness of death and grin back. To ride the waves of flight […]